Self-Awareness

Name It, Understand It, Say It

A tool for moving from naming what you feel to understanding what you need — and finding the words to say it

How to use this worksheet

This worksheet can be used on its own in session or at home. You do not need any other materials — everything you need is here. If you have the Feeling Words reference guide, it can help you explore a wider range of words, but it is not required.

Naming a feeling is the first step. This worksheet helps you take the next ones: understanding what that feeling means, connecting it to what you actually need, and finding the words to say it.

Work through the four steps below in order. You do not need to complete everything — go as far as feels useful today.

Step 1Start in your body

Step 2Name the feeling

Step 3Find the need

Step 4Process it

Feelings vs. thoughts — know the difference

Before you begin, it helps to know what a feeling actually is. Many people confuse feelings with thoughts or judgments — and that makes it harder to process them.

Feelings — one word

hurt
anxious
lonely
relieved
ashamed
angry

Thoughts — a sentence

"I already know how this is going to end."
"I should have handled that differently."
"Something is wrong, I can just feel it."
"Things never work out for me."
"He probably doesn't even care."
"There's no point in bringing it up."

Thoughts and feelings both matter — but they need different things. This worksheet is for the feelings.

Step 1 — Start in your body

Many people know something is happening in their body before they can name it as an emotion. Start here — tap or circle anything that is present right now.

Tight chest Often: anxiety, grief, dread, or held-back feelings

Lump in throat Often: sadness, grief, or something hard to say

Tense shoulders or jaw Often: anger, stress, or bracing for something

Racing heart Often: fear, anxiety, or emotional flooding

Heavy or slow body Often: sadness, exhaustion, depression, or shame

Numb or shut down Often: overwhelm, trauma response, or dissociation

Restless or on edge Often: anxiety, frustration, or unspoken anger

Stomach drops or knots Often: fear, dread, or guilt

Tearful or eyes stinging Often: sadness, relief, feeling seen, or overwhelm

These are not diagnoses — just signals. Your body often knows before your mind does.

Step 2 — Name the feeling

Look through the words below and tap the ones that fit what you are feeling right now. Select 2 to 4 words — no more than 4. This keeps it focused enough to actually work with. If a feeling you have is not listed, write it in at the bottom of this step.

Sadness

sadgriefheartbrokenemptyhopelessmelancholydefeatedheavy

Anger

angryfrustratedresentfulbitterirritatedfuriouscontemptuousindignant

Anxiety & Fear

anxiousscaredoverwhelmeddreadpanickedhypervigilantinsecurefrozen

Disconnection & Loneliness

lonelyabandonedinvisibleisolatednumblostunlovableunseen

Hurt & Betrayal

hurtbetrayedrejecteddismissedminimizedunheardlet downinvalidated

Shame & Guilt

ashamedguiltyembarrassedworthlessdefectivehumiliatedexposedsmall

Powerlessness & Exhaustion

powerlesshelplessexhaustedburned outtrappedsilenceddrainedworn down

Joy & Tenderness

hopefulgratefulconnectedrelievedseensafelovedpeaceful

Your selected feelings

Nothing selected yet — tap the words above.

Select up to 4 words.

Not seeing the right word? Write it here

Once you have selected your words — ask yourself: which 1 or 2 feel most true right now? Write them below. That is what you will work with.

The 1 or 2 feelings that feel most true right now

Step 3 — What might this feeling be pointing to?

Every feeling carries information. Most feelings point toward something you need — something that is missing, hurt, or waiting to be acknowledged.

Select your feeling words in Step 2 and this section will highlight the rows that match.

dismissed or unheard→to be listened to and taken seriously

overwhelmed or exhausted→support, space, or relief from pressure

disconnected or lonely→closeness, reassurance, or quality time

resentful or bitter→change, repair, or acknowledgment of the imbalance

abandoned or invisible→consistency, presence, or a sign that you matter

ashamed or worthless→acceptance, belonging, and freedom from judgment

anxious or hypervigilant→safety, predictability, or reassurance

hurt or betrayed→acknowledgment, accountability, and repair

powerless or trapped→agency, choices, and to be treated as capable

rejected or unlovable→to feel wanted, chosen, and enough

guilty or regretful→to make it right, forgive yourself, or let it go

hopeless or defeated→something small to believe in, or help seeing a way forward

angry or frustrated→to be heard, respected, or for something to change

sad or grieving→comfort, compassion, and space to feel the loss

confused or conflicted→clarity, time, or someone to think it through with

Based on what you see above — what do you think you need right now?

Step 4 — Process it

Now that you have a feeling and a need, go a little deeper. Work through these questions one at a time — you do not need to answer all of them.

1

What happened?

Describe one specific moment or situation — not a pattern, just the thing that brought this feeling up.

2

What did this feeling mean to you?

What story did your mind tell about what happened? What did it say about you, about the other person, or about the relationship?

3

What did you need in that moment that you did not get?

Use your answer from Step 3 as a starting point. Be as specific as you can.

4

Is there something you want to say or ask for?

This does not have to be something you share with anyone — but name it clearly, even just for yourself.